There are many friends who over time, realise that you like to be left alone at times. They have the benevolence to accept that when you don't speak with them, it doesn't mean that'you are not in speaking terms with him anymore'- it simply implies that you prefer solitude for the present.
He is such a friend.
I say this so that you understand that he can understand people..he knows when to let someone leave and when to hold someone tight.
So it was no huge surprise for me, when, during one of our infrequent chats, he mentioned that he was going to marry this girl.
The surprise was that she was a muslim.
He ,as to be expected in such a case, belonged to a higher caste Hindu family.
And more surprising was the fact that he was still at his home, despite having announced his intentions some days back.The girl had also declared her plans to her family. Both sets of families responded with dead silence.
The proclamation must have come as a rude shock to his parents. I feel sorry for them, for their conservative mind sets would definitely find it difficult to come to terms with this.
Not that they are religious fanatics. Far from it, actually. These sensible, soft spoken people are among the nicest people I have come across. And it is not my intention to question their decision, whatever they are and whenever they come. But here I present my case and please have the patience to go through it.
COMMUNALISM
---------------------
Are you communal? are you a religious fanatic?
I doubt if even Dr Al- Zawahiri would like to nod in the affirmative.
OK, I will simplify the question.
Do you think that you religion is superior to others?
Still confused? Ehh?
Here is a scenario- Suppose you are my friend's (the lovestruck one, of course!) parent.
You have met this girl and so much impressed with her that you'd briefly wished if she had been a Hindu (and Nair)
NOw, would you stand in his way?
90% of the people will not permit him to marry her. NOt wholeheartedly anyway.
And I call them communal.
The major argument these people have is that inter- religious (by which I include inter-caste too) marriages has a higher chance of ending up in a divorce.
Yes, I agree.
But why? Because they are mostly left to deal with all their crises by themselves. It is inane to imagine that arranged, intra-religious marriages do nut suffer from any such hiccups. But they have the support of both the families who could guide them through any quarrels.
So does that mean a proneness to fail is inherent in an IR marriage? That would be a very simplistic analysis of the situation. Provided with the same familial support and societal acceptance there is no reason why an IR marriage can not match an intra marriage.
The important thing here is to realise that the failure is not on the part of the poor couple, who having to fight a million social taboos would finally start blaming each other for all the misfortune, the failure is on the part of the parents who being brought on a daily dose of communalism tries to prescribe the same thing to the next generation.
What is communalism?
---------------------------
Communalism is built on 3 basic aspects.
1) A belief that the socio-economic-political aspirations of people belonging to the same
religion are identical.
2) Two people belonging to different religion can not have the same aspirations.
3) Such aspirations are mutually exclusive and contradictory.
Communalism spawns its ideals from these 3 false axioms. Axioms that, however innocuous though they might sound, espews venom that has poisoned half the men in the country and made the other half impotent.
The growth of communalism in India
----------------------------------------
"colonial history guaranteed the growth and economic domination of merchant money-lenders;
medieval history had guaranteed that they would be Hindus"
- Bipan Chandra (eminent historian)
The Hindu communalism began with the anti- cow slaughter in the 1880s.
The cruel irony of the growth of communalism in India is that it was actually used by nationalist leaders to espouse a greater good. Even Tilak, second to none but Gandhiji in the contribution to the Independence struggle, is guilty of having resorted to religious symbols like Shivaji festival, Ganesh utsav etc. to awaken the spirit of unity and nationalism. Little did he know that decades later these very symbols would be invoked to depict India as a Hindu nation. Unlike Tilak, who was a staunch nationalist, the others who came after him were liberal communalists and then extremists. People like Lala lajpat rai, Madan Mohan Malavya etc, who even while accepting that there was a place for every religion in a free India were quick to pounce on every opportunity to flaunt their (what they thought) religious superiority.
A common, but nonethless effective argument of communalists is that they started their brand of religious propaganda as a defense against the attack by the other religion.
Like the eternal egg or hen question , it would be impossible and useless to ascertain the claims made by either group. Syed Ahmed khan,the founder of Aligarh university, and one of the outstanding Indians of the 19th century started his communal propaganda around the same time as that of the anti- cow slaughter campaign. And till 1937, Islamic communalism also went through a liberal phase which accomodated other religions too.
But after 1937, communal passions turned viral, the 'divide and rule' policy adopted by the government contribting in no small measure. The British , right from the beginning of the 20th century had adopted a policy of appeasement towards communal parties.In fact, most of the demands raised by the Muslim League were accepted in the 'communal award of 1932'. M A Jinnah then realised that he was riding a political tiger. In order to survive, in order to stay relevant he had to ask for something more, something the congress had failed to read- and they demanded their piece of cake: Pakistan. Congress leaders who had failed to confront the communal disease head on, now had no chice but to accept the offer. The British left in a hurry, giving a notice period of just 72 days and a complex surgery to perform. There was not enough time. Thousands were butchered in Punjab and Bengal for being on the the wrong side of a line.
There was only one person left who believed in the goodness of his people, someone who hoped that the mere division of land would not divide the hearts of people.
On January 30, 1948, Nathuram Godse snuffed out that hope.
Meerut,Bhagalpur, Mumbai, Ayodhya, Gujrat, Orissa... we have lost count.
Yes, we are losing the war too..
The Solution
-----------------
1) Promote an educational system that harps on rationalism, And when you teach history,never shy away
from showing the excesses committed by all religions. Truth never contamintes. It is the distorted version
that is poison.
2) Mould leaders who can inspire people without having to resort to communal propaganda, who have the
charisma to attack communal forces head on.
3) The third and final solution I have to offer might sound silly. But it is not. IN fact, it is the most effective and
practical way of treating the communal cancer- promote IR marriages through tax concessions,
reservations etc.
- Eliminate the classes, adulterate the sectoral purity and there we have an India that is secular, not just in
the preamble.
****************************************************
Thus we are back to where it all began.
My friend and his 'pernicious' love.
Well, I dont know how his story will eventually pan out. It is up to his parents to make the right decision and we shall all have to respect that choice.
But I hope and pray with all my heart that whatever they do, they give it a reasonable thought. If Akbar could do that in 16th century, why can't we do it in 21st?.
I hope they make a choice for a secular India.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: So my love, 'my erstwhile dear', since it is so, I will have to be fed a different reason. And I propose to ask that question in 2 years time. Though the chances of you being unmarried at that time are...well, not worth a bet anyway, I intend to hope. And when I come, you will have to convince me with an answer that does not refer to caste and the like.
Love you dearest...and miss you. :)
He is such a friend.
I say this so that you understand that he can understand people..he knows when to let someone leave and when to hold someone tight.
So it was no huge surprise for me, when, during one of our infrequent chats, he mentioned that he was going to marry this girl.
The surprise was that she was a muslim.
He ,as to be expected in such a case, belonged to a higher caste Hindu family.
And more surprising was the fact that he was still at his home, despite having announced his intentions some days back.The girl had also declared her plans to her family. Both sets of families responded with dead silence.
The proclamation must have come as a rude shock to his parents. I feel sorry for them, for their conservative mind sets would definitely find it difficult to come to terms with this.
Not that they are religious fanatics. Far from it, actually. These sensible, soft spoken people are among the nicest people I have come across. And it is not my intention to question their decision, whatever they are and whenever they come. But here I present my case and please have the patience to go through it.
COMMUNALISM
---------------------
Are you communal? are you a religious fanatic?
I doubt if even Dr Al- Zawahiri would like to nod in the affirmative.
OK, I will simplify the question.
Do you think that you religion is superior to others?
Still confused? Ehh?
Here is a scenario- Suppose you are my friend's (the lovestruck one, of course!) parent.
You have met this girl and so much impressed with her that you'd briefly wished if she had been a Hindu (and Nair)
NOw, would you stand in his way?
90% of the people will not permit him to marry her. NOt wholeheartedly anyway.
And I call them communal.
The major argument these people have is that inter- religious (by which I include inter-caste too) marriages has a higher chance of ending up in a divorce.
Yes, I agree.
But why? Because they are mostly left to deal with all their crises by themselves. It is inane to imagine that arranged, intra-religious marriages do nut suffer from any such hiccups. But they have the support of both the families who could guide them through any quarrels.
So does that mean a proneness to fail is inherent in an IR marriage? That would be a very simplistic analysis of the situation. Provided with the same familial support and societal acceptance there is no reason why an IR marriage can not match an intra marriage.
The important thing here is to realise that the failure is not on the part of the poor couple, who having to fight a million social taboos would finally start blaming each other for all the misfortune, the failure is on the part of the parents who being brought on a daily dose of communalism tries to prescribe the same thing to the next generation.
What is communalism?
---------------------------
Communalism is built on 3 basic aspects.
1) A belief that the socio-economic-political aspirations of people belonging to the same
religion are identical.
2) Two people belonging to different religion can not have the same aspirations.
3) Such aspirations are mutually exclusive and contradictory.
Communalism spawns its ideals from these 3 false axioms. Axioms that, however innocuous though they might sound, espews venom that has poisoned half the men in the country and made the other half impotent.
The growth of communalism in India
----------------------------------------
"colonial history guaranteed the growth and economic domination of merchant money-lenders;
medieval history had guaranteed that they would be Hindus"
- Bipan Chandra (eminent historian)
The Hindu communalism began with the anti- cow slaughter in the 1880s.
The cruel irony of the growth of communalism in India is that it was actually used by nationalist leaders to espouse a greater good. Even Tilak, second to none but Gandhiji in the contribution to the Independence struggle, is guilty of having resorted to religious symbols like Shivaji festival, Ganesh utsav etc. to awaken the spirit of unity and nationalism. Little did he know that decades later these very symbols would be invoked to depict India as a Hindu nation. Unlike Tilak, who was a staunch nationalist, the others who came after him were liberal communalists and then extremists. People like Lala lajpat rai, Madan Mohan Malavya etc, who even while accepting that there was a place for every religion in a free India were quick to pounce on every opportunity to flaunt their (what they thought) religious superiority.
A common, but nonethless effective argument of communalists is that they started their brand of religious propaganda as a defense against the attack by the other religion.
Like the eternal egg or hen question , it would be impossible and useless to ascertain the claims made by either group. Syed Ahmed khan,the founder of Aligarh university, and one of the outstanding Indians of the 19th century started his communal propaganda around the same time as that of the anti- cow slaughter campaign. And till 1937, Islamic communalism also went through a liberal phase which accomodated other religions too.
But after 1937, communal passions turned viral, the 'divide and rule' policy adopted by the government contribting in no small measure. The British , right from the beginning of the 20th century had adopted a policy of appeasement towards communal parties.In fact, most of the demands raised by the Muslim League were accepted in the 'communal award of 1932'. M A Jinnah then realised that he was riding a political tiger. In order to survive, in order to stay relevant he had to ask for something more, something the congress had failed to read- and they demanded their piece of cake: Pakistan. Congress leaders who had failed to confront the communal disease head on, now had no chice but to accept the offer. The British left in a hurry, giving a notice period of just 72 days and a complex surgery to perform. There was not enough time. Thousands were butchered in Punjab and Bengal for being on the the wrong side of a line.
There was only one person left who believed in the goodness of his people, someone who hoped that the mere division of land would not divide the hearts of people.
On January 30, 1948, Nathuram Godse snuffed out that hope.
Meerut,Bhagalpur, Mumbai, Ayodhya, Gujrat, Orissa... we have lost count.
Yes, we are losing the war too..
The Solution
-----------------
1) Promote an educational system that harps on rationalism, And when you teach history,never shy away
from showing the excesses committed by all religions. Truth never contamintes. It is the distorted version
that is poison.
2) Mould leaders who can inspire people without having to resort to communal propaganda, who have the
charisma to attack communal forces head on.
3) The third and final solution I have to offer might sound silly. But it is not. IN fact, it is the most effective and
practical way of treating the communal cancer- promote IR marriages through tax concessions,
reservations etc.
- Eliminate the classes, adulterate the sectoral purity and there we have an India that is secular, not just in
the preamble.
****************************************************
Thus we are back to where it all began.
My friend and his 'pernicious' love.
Well, I dont know how his story will eventually pan out. It is up to his parents to make the right decision and we shall all have to respect that choice.
But I hope and pray with all my heart that whatever they do, they give it a reasonable thought. If Akbar could do that in 16th century, why can't we do it in 21st?.
I hope they make a choice for a secular India.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: So my love, 'my erstwhile dear', since it is so, I will have to be fed a different reason. And I propose to ask that question in 2 years time. Though the chances of you being unmarried at that time are...well, not worth a bet anyway, I intend to hope. And when I come, you will have to convince me with an answer that does not refer to caste and the like.
Love you dearest...and miss you. :)
